Longevity experts say death will eventually be a thing of the past. Once we’re able to manipulate our bodies with cellular precision or digitize our brain patterns so they can be backed-up and transferred to a fresh new body, we’ll be able to live on and on forever and ever. That’ll be great for me, since I’ve got a ton of projects that I just don’t have time for right now. I’ve started a to-do list so I don’t forget.

1

Stop and smell the roses.
All of them.
Rate their scents on a scale of 1-1000.

2

Catch up on all those past issues of National Geographic.

3

Proofread the internet.

4

Binge watch Days of our Lives

5

Get a new cat.
Film every moment of its life. When the cat dies, edit down the footage to one year’s-worth of highlights to create the greatest cat video ever.
Do a year-long screening of the film whenever I miss the cat.

6

Eat at every McDonalds.

7

Mess around with evolution.
Do some selective breeding to create:

  • Domesticated squirrels.
  • Bi-pedal wiener dogs.
  • Praying mantises to match my wallpaper.
  • A species of bird with a call that sounds like I’m Like a Bird by Nelly Furtado

8

Figure out once and for all how many blades of grass are on the front lawn by counting them individually.

9

Finally finish that Ken Burns Baseball documentary. Really take the time to study it. When it mentions a particular game, pause the documentary, track down a recording of that game and watch the whole thing.
When it mentions a particular player, do the same thing, but with every game in which that player appeared.

10

Open a museum for my socks.

11

Stage that one-man show I’ve always wanted to do: The Life and Times of Herbert Hoover. Reenact his whole life from birth to death. In real-time.
If it’s a hit, do all the other presidents.

12

Adopt a pet rock. Name it Roxy.
Leave it outside.
When it erodes down to almost nothing, change it’s name to Dusty.

13

Get into competitive tree racing.

14

Do one sit-up a year for 100 millennia. That’s 100,000 reps. I’ll have abs of steel!

15

Open a beach resort in Pittsburgh.

16

Start stockpiling sunscreen for when the Earth gets closer to the sun.

17

Write a series of books about a family. It will be a generation-spanning family saga. In each book, a different family member is the main character and you see the whole story from their perspective. Oh – and also the family is a family of bees.

18

Start planning my “End of the Holocene” party.
It’s going to be epoch.