Tales to Confound and Annoy

Top complaints from the disgruntled editor of a failing sixties sci-fi magazine.

  1. “I’ve got an alternate reality timeline for you. One where I’m not surrounded by incompetence.”
  2. “Twist ending, my ass. I knew the sergeant was a robot on page two.”
  3. “If you want to talk about wormholes you and my doctor should have a conversation about my ulcer.”
  4. “If an alien life force is using your secret desires against you, those secret desires better be something besides your wife’s apple strudel.”
  5. “So what, now? Venusians live in free-love hippie communes?”
  6. “Don’t tell me about the man-eating plants of Exophlur Show me the man-eating plants of Exophlur!”
  7. “This gondolier on the Martian canals seems a little light in the space boots if you get my meaning.”
  8. “Sorry to put a crack in your helmet, but these hep-cat cosmonauts are gonna need at least a two-stage rocket to escape that kind of atmosphere!”
  9. “How about I slip into a ‘cryogenic stasis’ with this bottle of gin and you wake me up when you know the difference between ‘then’ and ‘than.'”
  10. “Whatever you say, Michaelangelo. But if you want my opinion, a Neptunian pleasure drone would show more cleavage than that.”
2015-02-23T18:12:19+00:00 02.23.15|futurism, writing|Comments Off on Tales to Confound and Annoy